Broken Together
by Fandom Muppet
Summary: Castiel has fought against his feelings that attempt to prevent him from going to Heaven. His words he had said to Dean ring true. He does indeed to wish to end his own life after he sees what has become of his former home. Guilt ridden and sorrowful he decides to face judgement. He returns to Dean and Sam for a goodbye. It turns out more difficult than he hoped. Dean/Castiel


**Guess who had time and a story idea? This Muppet. Anyways not the absolute best but I'm somewhat happy with it.**

**As usual I own nothing. Reviews would be appreciated. Thank.  
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Castiel knew it would most likely destroy him. That it would hurt him so much to see it. That didn't stop him for long however. He had to see Heaven for himself, he had to see the damage that he had caused. As well if any angels who remained wanted to punish the one responsible, well he wouldn't stop them. Castiel hoped they would it least be merciful if it came to that. Again, he wouldn't blame them if they weren't. He would deserve it, every single little thing they could do or ever think of..

He watched the Winchester's from afar. Castiel was invisible to the naked eye so had had no reason to hide. He did it anyways. It felt right. He was going to go to Heaven, something kept trying to push him away from it. Castiel resisted that feelings, he had to see what his actions caused. What his deeds had done to his former home. Castiel had to see if there was any way he could redeem himself in the eyes of his family.

With the sound of fluttering wings Cas went to heaven.

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Cas had expected to see evidence of fighting when he arrived. He expected to see Angel's wings imprinted onto the ground everywhere. He expected the worst, everything but what actually was there.

Heaven was silent. It would look normal if it wasn't for the emptiness. It wasn't just visually, it felt empty. Castiel could feel no presence of peace Heaven had provided him in the past. There was no blood, no sounds of fighting in the distance. There wasn't even scorched wings on the ground. The deafening silence was ringing in his ears.

The Kingdom of God had fallen silent, because of him. Castiel saw no redemption.

Castiel took a deep breath and sighed. He was going to reopen the Angel frequencies. He had to be sure there were no angels left. There had to be others left. Castiel tensed and prepared to be greeted by silence. To his relief the soft murmur of his brother's and sister's greeted him. It was welcomed greatly over the silence but it left an ache in his heart.

Cas thought of taking his life right there. To take his blade and let any survivors do away with his body as they saw fit. It had been just as he had revealed to Dean. This was his home; the Angels that were gone were his family. He clenched his fist. He had to remind himself. This had been his home, past tense. It no longer was where he was to live.

He beheld the empty beauty that was Heaven. This was not the place he belonged anymore. Castiel had given that up for two humans. His thoughts went to them. Dean had said to him he was family in the past. But that place beside Sam and Dean was also not where he belonged. Castiel did not a have a home anymore.

Castiel decided to do something that Dean would probably call stupid. He would go to meet judgment if there was to be no redemption.

They deserved something for the loss of family. If he was truthful to himself it was something he did not believe he would survive. With a saddened expression Castiel disappeared from Heaven. He had to say goodbye first before leaving. Dean and Sam would wonder where he had gone off to otherwise. They deserved a proper goodbye. They claimed he was a part of the family after all.

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Castiel found the brother's at a cheap motel as usual. It looked as if they weren't working a case. That would make things easier.

Within moments he was standing in the motel room. Sam looked surprised but Dean regarded him with a smile. "Hey Cas." He said. Said Angel was shocked to find he was unable to speak. This would appear harder than he anticipated. Dean picked up on his conflicting emotions after only seconds.

"Cas, buddy what's going on?" He asked with concern. Castiel shook his head. This is not the time to have second thoughts. He reminded himself. Cas squared his shoulders and met the uncertain looks on both of the brother's faces. "I came to say goodbye."

A different silence from Heaven overcame the room. It was one of shock and surprise. Dean snapped out of it. "What do you mean goodbye Cas?" He tried to chuckle but it sounded to forced to be believable. "Where are you going?"

Castiel could not meet either brother's eyes for more than a few moments. He cleared his throat. "I'm going to Heaven, for judgment." Cas wasn't sure how to word this properly. He was going to meet death. Dean choked on air and Sam's eyes were locked on him.

Dean sputtered."Cas, you can't do this! You'll get killed!" Dean tried to make Cas see. "I am aware of that." Castiel said bluntly. Understanding flickered across Dean's face, he tried again to speak but Castiel didn't let him. "It's not your choice to make Dean."

Castiel sighed and his Angel Blade slipped out of his coat and into his hand. Castiel look down at it, and then he offered it to Dean. "Take this Dean. It may be more of use to you. I will not need it any longer." He pushed it into Dean's hands. "Cas…You can't go alone." Dean tried again. He felt a wave of helplessness at the expression on Cas's face. It looked as if he had made his mind up completely.

Dean looked at Cas with an anguished expression. He couldn't believe he could do this to Sam, to him. He needed him. Why couldn't he see this? "You are not leaving me again!" Dean snapped. Cas was about to retort "Dean, listen..." but Dean did not let him continue. "I can't lose you again Cas." Dean felt desperation take hold. Cas was going to get himself killed. "I'll follow you there if I have to!"

Castiel shook his head. "That is something I won't allow you to do." It was spoken with an air of finality. The Angel stepped away from the brother's. "Goodbye Sam." He made eye contact with the younger brother. A fondness was clear in his eyes as he regarded them both. At times like this he could almost believe that this was his family.

"Why Cas?" Dean felt anxiety claw at him as he looked at his blue eyed friend. Dean didn't take his eyes of the Angel as he placed the blade down on his bed. "My sins are my own Dean. I will not burden you both with them." Cas looked at both brother's with a expression of fondness and sorrow.

"Goodbye Dean." Castiel turned away. He did not want to leave but he had to own up to his actions. Dean lunged forward and gripped Cas's shoulders tightly and spun him around. The elder Winchester looked into Cas's eyes for a moment. "Damn it all Cas." He snarled before he smashed his lips against the angel's

It wasn't a soft kiss, nor was it tender. It was desperate and rough. Castiel's eyes fluttered shut against his will. Without thinking about it Castiel kissed back with equal vigor. Both men tried to claw at each other simultaneously, trying to bring each other impossibly close. Dean curled his fingers into Castiel's hair and pulled tightly. Castiel, in return wrapped his arms around Dean's waist with a bruising grip.

In this moment of there was a fragile peace despite the rough actions. It lied in the fact that Cas was still there, he didn't run, he didn't push him away, and he didn't leave him again. Dean didn't want to lose him again. It remained in the fact that Dean didn't want him to go, that he wanted him. It now seemed that he wanted him in more ways than one.

The sound of Sam clearing his throat loudly was the thing that broke the spell. Almost hesitantly Dean started to pull away and loosen his grip on Cas's hair. For a moment Castiel tried to follow his mouth before he too pulled away. Both men regarded each other in silence. Both of their faces were flushed and Cas's hair was more messed up than usual, his lips were slightly swollen. Dean couldn't help but stare.

"I…I..er…Dean I had no idea." Cas fumbled for words. His mind was still muddled from their intense kiss. It was not something he had encountered before. Sam looked at them both awkwardly. It had been only a bit unexpected; he had seen them look at each other for quite some time now. It would have been a relief or even funny if it had been in any other situation.

Sam stood awkwardly a little ways away from both. His expression was slightly disturbed but it showed his discomfort showed more firmly. The younger brother knew he needed to leave them alone. They needed this time. "I'll be outside." With that and a glance at them both he left the room.

Castiel heard Sam's words but was unable to process anything besides the fact they were alone. Finally was able to tear his eyes away from Dean. This was not something he had expected, nor had he anticipated it to affect him so much. He could not think straight with the scent of Dean so close. Castiel stepped back, shaking his head. "You…do not understand what you're doing Dean."

Dean looked as Cas in disbelief. "I understand perfectly well Cas. Or did I imagine you kissing me back?" Castiel flinched at Dean's words. The memories of his friend's version of purgatory came back to him. That wasn't the case this time however. He really had kissed him back but it wasn't something he wanted. He had no control over it, not completely. "I can't drag you down with me Dean." Castiel's words rang true only to himself. He wanted this little family to survive. If they stayed with Castiel they would be in danger from any angels who would seek answers, who would seek vengeance as an angel had done before.

"I need you." Raw emotions bubbled to the surface. Dean stepped forward the gap between them vanished. "Have you even thought about what I want? What you just leaving would do?" He asked, hurt and frustrated. "I cannot be repaired Dean." Castiel replied as if was the only answer.

"Dammit Cas. I bear my heart to you and that's your excuse? That you're broken? That an Angel is not good enough for a man who's been in hell?" Anger and irritation filled Dean's senses.

Again there was another shared kiss. Castiel pulled away a bit quicker this time in a pathetic attempt to make his emotions stop churning. It only left Castiel breathless and even more conflicted. He wanted it to be over. For the first time since he had fallen for this man and his brother he wished for the peace Heaven provided. "I'm messed up to Cas." He kept his hand firmly on the back of his neck. "I don't care if you're broken. You never have to try to work for my forgiveness. You have it as long as you stay." It was a little manipulative but Dean was out of options.

If Castiel did not listen he was unsure what he would do. What he would do without his Angel. Cas did not respond. He didn't know what to say to Dean. Almost afraid Dean continued. "Cas you know I'm not a good man. I don't care if you're broken or not." Dean rested his forehead against Cas, their breaths mingled. "We can be broken together." Dean waited for Cas to say anything. He wanted him to say something. If Dean was honest with himself he'd say he was honestly scared that Cas would reject him now.

Castiel saw how much the older Winchester needed him. He found he could not deny this man any longer. He looked into himself, to his heart. Castiel had always known, it least a part of him has. No person, angel or not would do the things he has done for him without cause. He loved and fell for a man, more specifically this man. Dean Winchester. The righteous man who he had raised from hell and pieced back together. It hurt to see the strong hunter look at him with such vulnerability. With his last thought he knew it had to put a different expression on his face, he had to quell Dean's fears that shone so clearly in his eyes.

Castiel leaned forward and initiated a kiss. It was much gentler than the previous two. It was more like a soft brushing of lips than an actual kiss. Dean's response was immediate. He placed has hands on Cas's hips but he restrained himself from pulling him closer. His hands clenched though, showing his restraint. The smell of Dean invaded the angel's senses. He smelled of cheap soap, oil, and something else. He couldn't place it under anything he knew. He decided to simply call it Dean.

Almost hesitantly they both broke away but Dean did not remove his hands. The hunter buried his face in Castiel's neck and simply breathed deeply. Castiel in return wrapped his arms securely around Dean.

No words were spoken. They wanted to keep this moment for themselves. Both wanted to make believe that for once, they had all the time in the world. Castiel knew he would not be able to leave and Dean knew he could not do without his angel.

They were bound to each other by mutual love.

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**Okay I had a friend of mine read over this but if I missed things I am very sorry. Again reviews would be appreciated. **


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